29 December, 2009

James Owen Sullivan a.k.a The Rev

To all Avenged Sevenfold fans out there, this is truly a tragic moment as the bands key person, James Owen Sullivan or better known as The Rev(The Reverend Tholomew Plague) who is a drummer, songwriter as well as the backup vocals was found dead yesterday (28th December 2009) in his home in Huntington Beach, California leaving behind his wife Leanna MacFadden.
His death is said to be of natural causes.

The Reverend Tholomew Plague

Born on February 10th 1981, he was only 28 years old. Not only has he left behind his wife, Leanna MacFadden but his band members of Avenged Sevenfold which include :

Lead Singer - Matt Shadows

Lead Guitarist - Synyster Gates

Rhythm Guitarist - Zacky Vengeance

Bassist - Johnny Christ

Trust me, they are very nice people and they are not like what they look like. The Rev was one of the greatest drummers I have ever seen and heard. I wish, really wish that I could have at least seen him and the band in action live at least once in my lifetime but now there is no chance. He is also an amazing songwriter. He wrote "A Little Piece of Heaven" mostly by himself with a little help from his band mates. He also played the piano for that song and while playing drums, sang backup vocals for it. Songs played by Avenged Sevenfold are more than just hard rock music, it is the lyrics, the message within the message. It's goes deeper than just what you see. The composition of songs. The arrangement of songs. Listen closely to the instruments being played. It's the technicality that makes them special. Especially with The Rev there, songs like "Afterlife", "Beast and The Harlot", "Bat Country", "A Little Piece of Heaven", "Dear God", "M.I.A", "Seize The Day", "Scream", were all made possible because of him and his lyrics, backup vocals and drums.

He was the God of drummers.

Indeed, the music world and Avenged Sevenfold has lost one of its most talented and greatest drummer of this time.

James Owen Sullivan a.k.a The Rev

May you rest in peace.

You're an inspiration to all musicians

26 December, 2009

Dad's surprise

My dad bought me a Christmas/Birthday present today.

It's a book.

Not just your ordinary book.

A book on bass guitar lessons.

Almost everything I need is in it.

Fingerstyle bass, Slap and pull, Major scales, Minor scales, Rock, Blues, Jazz, Funk


There is a Video CD as well.

Which makes it easier for me cuz I can't fucking read taugeh.

Looks like I'll be staying home more often


25 December, 2009

By Andrew McMahon for you

I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand all the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big dreams
It's alwayS you
In my big dreams
And you tell me that its over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers
And your restless
And I'm naked
You gotta get out
You cant stand to see me shaking
Could u let me go?
I didn't think so
And you don't wanna be here in the future
So you say the presents just a pleasant interruption to the past
And you don't wanna look much closer
Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had
And it did
Because of me

And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that your alone oh
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have mucH room to live

And i had these dreams in them i learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rock star
And there was hope in me that I could take you there
But damn it you're so young
Well I don't think i care
And if i hurt you
Then I'm sorry
Please don't think that this was easy

And then you bring me home
Cause we both know what its like to be alone oh
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room to live

And KonstantinE is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear
And I was thinking
What I was thinking
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that i could do was touch her long blond hair
And I've been thinking
But it hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere

This is because i can spell confusion with a 'K'
And i can like it
Its to dying in anothers arms
And why i had to try it
Its to jimmy eat world
And those nights in my car
When the first star you see
May not be a star
I'm not your star
Isn't that what you said
What you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes
Just to Laugh at my mistakes
And live with what i did to you
All the hell i put you through
I always catch the clock
Its 11:11
Now you wanna talk
Its not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine
They'll never hurt you like i do
No they'll never hurt you like i do
No,no,no, no, no, no, no, no

This is to a girl
Who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did
You know
You keep me up in bed
This is to a girl
Who got into my head
With all these fucked up things i did
Baby you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine

You spin around me Like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And i said
Did u know i miss you?
I miss you

And then you bring me home
And we go to sleep
But this time not alone
And i know
And you'll kiss me in your living room
I know
I know you miss me in your living room
Cuz these nights i think
Maybe that i miss you in my living room
But we don't have much room
I said does anybody need that room
Because we all need a little more room
To live

MY Konstantine...

24 December, 2009

Volo vos scio ut is eram verus

If I,
Am not the choice of your heart,
Maybe it's fate, destiny,
That you and I,
May never be as one.

You have to always know,
That I love you for all of my time,
You have to always believe,
That this is immortal forever,

Because I believe,
That this love in me,
Is yours and yours only,
May it be until the last of my days.

Because I believe,
That for every breath I take,
It is only you,
That I long for.

So if I,
Am not the choice of your heart,
It matters not,
Because this heart,
Chose you amongst millions others.

Though many say,
Love differs with every person,
But I'm sure,
With all of my heart,
That this one was pure.

Though many say,
It may be just words,
Another will come,
A better one.

Better depends on me,
And I believe,
You were the best I never had.

For that reason,
I'll never forget you.

I'll keep you and this feeling,
In a special place,
In my heart,
Till death takes its toll.

Choose to believe or not,
These words,
It matters not,
For only I know,
That I speak it with altruism.

And though only words,
Believe me when I say,
I am truly sorry.

For all my wrongs,
For all my doings,
For all the heartache I caused,
For everything.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

15 December, 2009



Cripple me,
Disable me,
Conjured amongst the titans of titans,

The suns beams filled with lies
The darkness of light blinding senses
Nothing is true
Nothing is more

A glance,
A look,
It's everywhere

My shadows leave,
My soul lost,

There are two,
Two of one.


Completeness of none,


Happens for no reason,
Happens for a reason.

Leave me,
Leave me defenseless.

Unable to fight back,
Fight you.


13 December, 2009


Day burns down to night;

Burns the edges of my soul.

In the night I break into sparks of suns,

And become the fires end.

The dust of bones.

Night knifes my breath,

Swallows whole my tongue.

Turn back, reverse, return.

In the night I see

The real concealed,

In the days bright lies.

Eyes stitched shut;

White teeth smile.

Sleep walks,

And talks,

And feet.

Mark time,

To the drumless beat.

09 December, 2009

A must read

Okay guys. One of my best friend has been writing a story and trust me, it is worth reading. The plot and twist of the story is really really good.


Please do read from episode 1 if not you'll never understand the story.

It's up to episode 6 now by the way.

Trust me.

If it was a book, I would buy it.


Imran who never reads would buy it.

So read it.

This is the website - The Berrie's Dillemma by Amirul

02 December, 2009


The few things that I really want:

1. New jeans

2. New shirts

3. 2 New tattoos (One to touch up and add a snake wrapping my first tattoo and another tattoo of one side of an angel wing that has been ripped apart which symbolizes a fallen angel and Zac will get it on the other side)

4. New necklace

Hopefully Christmas + Birthday + Job + Chinese New Year = $$$$$$$

Then I can buy my jeans, necklace and shirts then get my tattoo done.

Not much to ask for right?


29 November, 2009

A summers breeze of a beautiful flower

Captivating the touch of a summers breeze
Once gone one wonders when will it ever come again
Season after season waited
But season after season differed

Every breeze summer presents
Every stroke of its cooling warmth
Every slide of its fingers linger
Are never the same

Oh how thy beauty you are.

Though winters never bloom and summers never snow.

Beauty shalt not be forgotten for beauty hence engraved itself on a headless name with nameless walls.

A sight to feel, not to see.

Oh thy beauty.

A flower blooming of essence
Touch, water, air and sunlight are of essential
For four act as one
Four shalt broken to none

25 November, 2009

The Berries' Dilemma

Ok this is a story created by my good friend Amirul.

It's about the Berry family which consist of Appleberrie, Buluberry, Kittyberry, Ribenaberry, Jizzyberry, Strawberry, Smellyberry, Mushyberry, Pussyberry, Z Shadows and Shells.

They are all having separate problems. Like a real TV drama!

The family tree is all mixed up and complicated.

But hopefully you guys can understand.


Have fun reading!

Here's the link

Another sleepless night

It's 5.19 am right now and I'm supposed to wake up and 7.30 am to run some errands at Taipan.


I can't sleep.

I played my bass(Adrienne) twice, learned "A Little Piece of Heaven" by Avenged Sevenfold and practiced that 8 minute song 4 times. After that I cleaned Adrienne from the neck all the way to the body.

That was almost two hours ago which was around 3.15 am.


I still can't sleep.

I've listened to countless songs.

I've watched countless videos.

Tossed and turned.

Still can't sleep.

I turned off my laptop at 3.30 am.

Tried to sleep by listening to some sad song or some slow song.

Still can't sleep.

Switched it back on at 5.00 am.

And here I am.

So I'll post up some pictures of recent events and some funny pictures =D

Izzuddin's eldest brother was getting married so he invited us to his brothers wedding on Sunday at 8.00 pm. Was a typical Malay wedding WITHOUT sirap ice. Instead, they had grape juice. YUM YUM! Haha! The food was awesome. Especially the rendang and that cake thingy they gave us. Amirul and I ate it like nobody's business and he said "They must've put crack in this man. It's too good!". HAHA! But anyway, there were 10 of us at the wedding which included Aaron, Amirul, Izz, Syaz, Belle, JQ, Sean, Serene, Christine and myself. Was all good. The bride looked pretty! And I took a picture of Syaz and Belle, the only couple there in our group that night.

That's Syaz in his Kompang costume and Belle looking really good in Syaz's mum's Kebaya.

Anyway we left the wedding at 10 something =)

Next up!

Some funny pictures

Ok Amirul came up with this term that only a few of us only know the meaning to. But now anyone who reads this will know what it means =DDD

Since Amirul likes to masturbate and sleep so much, he came up with T&T which meant, Toceng & Tidur. HAHAHA. So ever since that I've been seeing lots of shops and companies having that name.

This is at Sunway Pyramid Parking Lot (B1) which is near at the ice skating rink level.
T&T Kidz Park some more. O.O

This one is at Carefour. Can you believe a salon having that name??? What kind of hair do you cut man!?

Yeah so don't worry about the guy but on the same day as the wedding, I found this at Sunway Pyramid near Giant. They were building this mini theme park or something.


Toceng & Tidur

Ok. Now who wants to see a gay picture of my very own brother Zac??? WHO WHO WHO?


K so just cover the face and the body. Look at the legs man. Seriously like kaki bapok wei!


Lucky he doesn't read my blog



22 November, 2009

End of Sem 1

Finally it's over

A full month of pure assignments that if I were to count in total the amount of words I wrote, it should be somewhere in between 6000-7000.

Finally it's over

Done with my first semester of the UniSA program doing Communications and Media Management

1 semester down and 5 more to go

Now it's time to

  1. Enjoy my 3 month++ holiday
  2. Look for a job
  3. Pay people I owe
  4. Practice my bass

Have some fucking fun.

18 November, 2009

A never ending argument of a never ending story

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine.
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Weird isn't it? The question of love where no one can truly define love. Parents say "You are so young, you don't know what love is". Really? You think so? I think not. I think that love is however and whatever you want it to be and whatever you make of it. It doesn't matter how old you are cuz love changes as you grow older. At every different age you think of love differently. We all know what love is but we just can't explain it. You will know when someone is really in love with you when he/she does something out of the ordinary. Something he/she doesn't really do. Even so, the question of true love still leaves me hanging. At this age, I currently believe that there is no such thing as true love cuz as I said, love can be whatever you want it to if you want it. It can be your true love if you want it to be. You just have to work hard at making it come true. Love isn't just gonna walk on your doorstep and say hi to you. No. You have to go out and look for it. No matter how you put it. Even if it may seem to you as if you're waiting for love to hit you smack in the face, in reality, unconsciously it was you that smacked love in the face. You went looking. All occurrences around us happen by our own choice. We choose the roads we want to take and so happens, that road led us to love. We all know that when a person says "I'll love you forever" it isn't true. We can TRY to love each other forever but no one can really be sure right? Believe me when I say this, anything can happen. Anything. I believe in the saying that "Never say never cuz never, never happens". Which is true. You can find love even at this minute if it so happened to happen. You can believe you will never but it will one day. If you keep believing in that saying. But believing isn't enough. You can't just sit there and wait for it to drop from the sky. As I said, get up and go look for it. It may sound desperate but at least, you are taking control of YOUR life. The life you hold. The life given to you. It's yours. Not anyone else but you. You dictate your own life. You say how you wanna live it. You say how you wanna do it. You figure out how it ends. No one else should have a hand in your life except your husband/wife and your children. Not even your parents. Yes they can advice, but it's your choice again to choose to do so. At a certain point of age we should take charge of our own lives. Your husband/wife and children create a bond that will last till the end of your days even if you divorce with your husband/wife is the parent to your child. Like it or not they have a say. Back to love, in every relationship there are arguments and there are disagreements. It's normal. It's part of understanding each other. Always be true to one another. Always. DON'T and I repeat DON'T say you love whoever you're dating until you have accepted him/or her for whoever they are. Acceptance means a lot to your partner. Knowing that you have accepted their good and bad makes them trust you and know that you are understanding. If you say "Don't do this and don't do that cuz I don't like it". If it's already a part of him and it makes him who he is (which is the person you fell in love with) then why even ask him/her not to do it??? It's unfair isn't it? Especially when you say he/she can't do this or that but you can do the things you want to do without him/her questioning it.

We are who we are and you shouldn't change because someone doesn't like what you do or because your partner disagrees.

Love is seeing through the perfection and accepting the imperfections.

~ END ~

16 November, 2009

Pain Pain Pain

Going into the car is hard

Seeing speed bumps coming closer and closer make it worse

Breaking makes it hurt

Putting on the seat belt hurts like hell

Accelerating makes my toes clinch

Walking up the staircase takes forever

Lying face down is a bitch

Sitting down hurts me to the bone

I walk funny now

Can't bend down to take things

Can't run

Can't stand up straight

And all I can do is laugh at how much it hurts

01 November, 2009


When will time end?
This mortal being can no longer pretend
Defying time would never mend
A constant feeling he could never send

Flesh and blood a mortal being
Heart and soul an immortal feeling
Driven to an atom of destruction
Staring deeply into satisfaction

Dream of a journey not taken
Dream of a walk forgotten
The realization of reality
The magnified reality of eternity
Living only to live
Living not for life
Life without life

26 October, 2009

A revelation

I play ice hockey as you all know. We were making new jerseys for the team so the team captain was asking what jersey number we would want. So as I remember, I asked for the number 08. As far as I remember. I know I wanted that number cuz I asked what is Shelly's favourite number and she said number 8. So I knew I wanted and gave the team captain that number.


I just found out TODAY, during hockey that my number is 80.


I JUST found out today. Can you believe that. I don't know how the number got to 80.

I found out when my teammate scored a goal and I assisted. So the referee was calling out the numbers of the goal scorer and the person that assisted him. So the referee called out my teammates number and for my number, he said "Assisted by number 80". So I was wondering who the hell is this number 80 guy that stole my assist. I was like, whatever la.


Another of my teammate scored another goal and I assisted.


The referee called out my number "Assisted by number 80".

So I was pissed cuz I was wondering who the hell is this number 80 guy. My other teammates don't have that number!


The revelation happened. I got called out for a hooking penalty for 2 minutes. As I sat down waiting for time to pass and singing "Staring at the carnage, praying that the sun would never rise. Living another day with disguise" (Avenged Sevenfold - M.I.A) one of the helpers that was writing down the penalty and the jersey number of the person that committed the penalty came to me and asked to see the back of my jersey for my number. She said "Number 80". I was like. FUCK! I asked her "Are you serious my number is 80??? I thought it was 08!" Then she said "Yeah it says number 80"

I was punked by myself.


So I was this number 80 fucker!

After the penalty was over I still couldn't believe it so I went around asking my teammates what was my number.

They all said.




What a revelation after 2 months of having the jersey.

Only now I find out.


25 October, 2009

What I do

All I do nowadays is, go out and play games, practice playing bass, yam cha, go jamming, do assignments, have hockey twice a week, stay at home, online on my laptop that's basically all I do. Sounds like I have no life right?

Wtf man.

But actually I do! I'd rather go out and see new things everyday then stay at home and see my laptop for the whole day. By going out I get new experiences. This is what the internet does to us, it cuts us off from the outside world. People ask me, why do you go out every night? I ask them, why do you stay home every night? They say, at least at home I can online. I say, what do you get from doing that every night?

Man lived thousands of years without even the knowledge of electricity and if you look back at history, the people that made a difference in the world had no internet. Let's not talk about Bill Gates and all those kind of people. But people who really made history. They didn't have internet. Not even the knowledge of electricity. So by going out, you get more experience. You see, feel, smell, touch and hear. All the 5 senses are in use. From staying at home and staring at the laptop, only your sight and hearing is aroused.

BUT! People that go clubbing and drinking, they really have no lives. Waste money, waste time, can't hear what you're friends are saying, have to shout and it's stuffy. I'd rather go to a bar or pub so I can sit and chill with my friends.

So again, just because I go out every night, everyday, doesn't mean I have no life. People that stay at home staring at their laptops are people with no life.

Get connected with the outside world.

The world that was made for us.

Not the world we made.

22 October, 2009

Seize the day


  • Woke up at 9 am to go to Ridzuan for group assignment
  • Reached Ridzuan at 10 am
  • Had breakfast there
  • Started of my Public Relations assignment at 11 am
  • Stopped at 12 pm to go to Sri KL with Wai Yik to celebrate Kellie's birthday
  • Got back at Ridzuan to continue assignment at 2 pm
  • Stopped at 7.30 pm to go to Medan to meet up with Clare, Zac and Al for dinner
  • Got home at 12 am
  • Did Public Relations assignment starting from 12.30 am all the way to 8.00 am and sent it online just in time
  • Took a NAP from 8.30 am to 11 am
  • Woke up and got ready to go to college to send the hard copy of my assignment to the lecturer which deadline is at 12 pm
  • Picked Wai Yik up on the way to college
  • Reached college at 12 pm
  • Remembered had to print out feedback page and had to wait for other people to use the college computer to print their stuff first
  • Handed in assignment at 12.30 pm (late)
  • Went to Sri KL again at 12.50 pm with Wai Yik cuz he wanted to give Kellie something and I wanted to see Shelly
  • Forgot to bring out loan agreement form I was supposed to hand in to college for confirmation so had to go back home before I could go to Ridzuan
  • Reached home at 1.45 pm, took loan agreement and sent Wai Yik to Pyramid to meet up with Clare and Zac
  • Reached college at 1.55 pm and went to hand in loan agreement but person in charge said there are a few mistakes so I had to redo it again
  • Left college and reached Ridzuan at 2.15 pm
  • Did ANOTHER assignment which was due on Thursday from then till 8 pm (This time a video whereby I was the main actor)
  • Finished the Communications: Rhetoric and Reasoning assignment then went back home to shower and change at 8.15 pm
  • Had to go straight back out to meet up with college classmates + Zac for dinner and Dota + Counter-Strike + L4D at Medan
  • Reached Medan at 8.40 pm and had dinner
  • Started playing games at 9.40 pm
  • Won Dota and Counter-Strike but lost L4D
  • Ended playing games at 2 am
  • Reached home at 2.10 am
This is by far the busiest and most stressing week of my degree life. Not even the events we organized during foundation is this bad.

An old injury came back. My lower spine now hurts like a bitch. Feels like there is a nail scrapping my spine. Hopefully I don't have to go for surgery.

But through all that, through all the pain, through all the headaches, through all the worrying, through all the stressing,
the only person I could think about was you.

16 October, 2009


Be happy dear

Whatever happens

Be happy for me

Keep smiling


15 October, 2009

Just in time?

What the fuck. At 4.00 am on Tuesday morning it was raining heavily and I couldn't sleep and at that time already I could feel myself getting sick. Woke up and got fucked up with a sore throat and a blocked nose. At 4.00 pm the same day, I got the fever. What the fuck man.

14 October, 2009

Thank You Yamaha

I finally got my bass guitar!

It's a Yamaha RBX170.

It's a mid-ranged bass guitar just right for people who has just started.

It was on promotion so I had to get it and it was the last day of promotion from Yamaha that was held in Pyramid.

Since it was a promotion, I got a bass amplifier with my bass guitar.

It's a Laney RB1 15 watt bass amplifier.

A bass guitar + guitar bag + amplifier + goodie bag

Bass guitar = RM600 - RM 1000?

Amplifier = RM 400 - RM 600?

Guitar Bag = RM 50 - RM 100?

Since it was on promotion, guess how much it all costs.


07 October, 2009

The mark


If you're reading this right now

I want you to know that I miss you

Very much


03 October, 2009

2.40 am filled with music and cigarettes

I'll hold you my dear,
Chasing away all your fears,
Even if my body is six feet under,
You don't have to ponder,
I'll be there.

Let me see you smile,
For the last time I'll be gone,
Show me your cheek malfunction,
Let me rest in peace,
Peace with myself.

Don't you worry my darling dear,
As I walk to the valley of the shadow of death,
I'll take a look at my life and realize,
You were my princess,
A princess in disguise,
Glittering with a personality,
Personality of an angel.

I wish our eyes could meet once again,
"Shh" I'll whisper,
Don't say a word,
Let me listen to the beating of your heart,
It says more than words.

Just look into my eyes,
Your eyes speak into mine,
For I will then know,
What you want to say.

But wishes are wishes,
Dreams are dreams,
No prayer of mine could bring time back,
No money could ever buy time lost,
No one could ever replace you.

For the most imperfect reasons,
For all the rules broken,
I still can never forget you,
Your song still plays in my mind.

And it says,

"Two to one, static to the sound of you and I undone for the last time. There this was, hiding at the bottom of your swimming pool some September. Don't you wish that I could stay? Your lips give you away"

26 September, 2009

Bass Guitar


I need some help looking for a good secondhand bass guitar.


Ibanez would be awesome but if it's Yamaha then what can I do right?

I even went looking at Cash Converters.

That's how desperate I am to have one.

I actually found two which was Ibanez - RM599 and Yamaha - RM 499.

Which was good.

But how much can you trust Cash Converters?

Not much.

And there is no bass amp to test it even if I wanted to buy it.

So please help me.


16 September, 2009

My band

To my band mates.

Aaron, Amirul, Zac, Wai Yik, Clare.

Let's all sit down one day and write another song like Broken December.

12 September, 2009

Inner thoughts

Friday - At 9 something in the morning I woke up and thought "I feel good today. I don't feel sad. Fuck all my problems"

Suddenly, towards the evening of the day, my heart dropped. All of the sudden. Out of nowhere. I wanted to tell someone so badly how I felt at that point of time. I just needed somebody.

Aaron, Amirul and Wai Yik came and we went for dinner and a yam cha session. In the car Wai Yik asked me if I was okay and I said I was.

But honestly, I was tearing at the backseat of Aaron's car looking outside the window.

I thought about how unlucky I was and how fucked up life was. To love someone you could never have. To find someone so special and one of a kind only to be so close to touching her hand then suddenly right before I'm able to touch her hand, she disappears into thin air.

I had an accident on Thursday. I was driving my dad's car with him in the passenger seat. I admit I am traumatized by it. But when I started crying in Aaron's car. I didn't give two fucks if I died at the spot. I didn't at all.

But what can I do about this situation?

A third party has the say in this.

Seriously, right now I just want to be happy. It's all I want now. Nothing else matters.

But my happiness was robed of me when this started.

My friends, I hope you understand that I am not saying that you guys do not make me happy. You do. With all my heart, you guys are the best group of friends ever. But all of us have that something that makes us truly happy. Some may be music, dancing, working, cooking. It can be anything. Mine is just Shelly.

I love you guys.

Yours sincerely,

11 September, 2009

My adventure

All these experiences I've had. All the problems I went through trying to find the right girl for me. Looking into myself figuring out what was wrong with myself and trying to make myself a better person. All the arguments settled and unsettled. This long journey of the pursuit of love I have gone through for 7 years now. All I know is this, love is never static. Love changes. There is no right answer to explain what love is. Love is like your thumb print. Unique.

Now I look back and think of all the relationships I've gone through. It makes me wanna write a book about my experiences so much. But I don't know where to start. But I know how to end it.

My last story in the book will be about Shelly. How much of a punch in the face it was to me when I realized how useless I felt. So useless, I couldn't do shit about my race and religion. I thought "This is a girl I would love to love. I know I'll be really happy with her and I know I'll be able to make her the happiest girl ever" "I found her", I thought. I did find her, the girl that came so close to perfect. But, I lost her.

"Move on Imran"
"There are many fishes in the sea"
"You'll be okay"
"She's just a girl"
"You can't help it"
"You can't do anything about it"
"Go out and have some fun"
"Let it go dude"

So many different words of comfort given to me. All of them are true and are what I'm supposed to do. I've tried. Honestly, I have. But wait till you find that girl that you've always wanted. And lose her. To an unknown force that pushes you down without your consent. Wait till it happens to you. Then when I say those words to you, see if it makes a difference to you or not. If it does, which is unlikely, then good for you. If it doesn't, then you know how shitty the path of love is.

I feel like my heart has closed its doors. I honestly feel it. The feeling of having no intention, mood or wanting to get to know any other girl. I want to open that door but my conscience tells me otherwise. It's an invisible wall of fear restricting me from opening that door. No matter how much I want to, I can't. Though I force myself to try, it all ends in vain. At the end of the day, that wall just won't break down. I'm so scared that I won't be able to truly open that door.

As I said, that book will contain memories, heartaches and advice regarding relationships. I can say I've been through almost every kind of relationship. I'm not being cocky, but really, I've been in almost every kind. Almost.

I used to think love overcomes everything. Now I'm skeptical of those words. Yes, it is the most powerful and it does overcome anything, but, there are third party forces that sometimes, overpower us.

Honestly, if I could choose anything in life right now. If I had one wish to have anything I've ever wanted. My wish will be happiness. That's all I want. And I found it in Shelly.

Happiness creates memories and memories lasts a lifetime. Money however, runs dry in time. All material wants deteriorates in time. Cars rust and get old, money can run out, clothes can be torn. Your body dies out. But happiness, with it comes love and memories. Those I can bring to my grave. Happy memories can never fade and be forgotten. Love can never rust, torn or die out unless love has been chosen to be ended. Your body dies, but your soul lives on.

I'll end my book with a few words.

"I'll continue to look for it. The ever elusive wonder, love"

Yours truly,

08 September, 2009

The King

I found this song that...Relates so much to what I'm going through right now.

Every line of the song reflects what I wanna say and how I feel these days.

Every line of it.

I dedicate to you Shelly =)

You're the one I want.

Not any other.

Can you still remember
How it seemed that we could live forever in a lovers dream?
And falling was the best part but now you know the things you cling to
Your heart can start to grow.

You, you're walking away.
I've been there now I know what to say... I'm the king of yesterday.

A silly little love song for myself.
It's all I ever do you know I shine the shell.
A pretty little picture, the face of you.
You were my setting sun and now you're every view.

You, you're walking away
I've been there now I know what to say...
I'm the king of yesterday.

Why don't, why don't, why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay? why don't you stay? why don't you stay?

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You are the one that I want.

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You were the one that I wanted.

And someday I'll be over on my own.
Believing all the legends of the loves I've known

And seeing you in summer the way we were when you were seventeen
You know I much preferred you walking away.

I've been here, now I know what to say
I'm the king of yesterday.

Why don't, why don't, why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay? why don't you stay with me? stay.

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You are the one that I want.

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You were the one that I wanted.

You were the one that I wanted.

King of yesterday.
King of yesterday.

I still do

05 September, 2009

It's 3 am and I must be lonely

All these problems I face makes me want to have more tattoos.

Especially on my arms.

Both in ambigrams.

One will say "Life"

The other will say "Death"

On the left side of my chest I'll tattoo 4 words into wings with a snake around it.

On my back I'll tattoo a scythe.

Whatever I do.

I still can't my mind off of you.

I really miss you.

03 September, 2009

Let's see how far this goes

Zac said something very true last night and it made my think a lot about it. He said that people who are mixed race like Zac and I, doesn't matter what race but as long as you have more than one blood you will face problems. For Zac and I, throughout school life and sometimes social life, you won't know where you fit in!

These are the things Zac said

"When you lepak with the malays they will call you chinese. When you lepak with the chinese they will call you malay. When you lepak with the indians they will whack you cuz you're both and indians always fight with malays and chinese"

Fucked up man.

So I hear about this "One Malaysia" thing. Okay. Let's see what Najib can actually do about this racial thing.

So where in the world do people like Zac and I fit in? All this confusion. I know this will end for me when I am finally able to be accepted by my partners parents and more importantly her. Then ALL this confusion will end for me

Look at your neighbour, the car next to you when you're driving, the person in front and behind you when you're lining up for something.

Give it a thought.

Without them, you won't be where you are now. Just think about it. You can't survive in this world with one race. If so, God would have created just one fucking race. Why make so many?

I'll tell you why.

For us to communicate with each other and understand each other better. Through that, we can find ourselves as well.

Give it some thought.

02 September, 2009


Christmas come now man


I need a bass guitar

And I need it badly

Very badly

01 September, 2009

In my shoes

In my shoes
Just to see
What it's like to be me
I'll be you
Let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain
You feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we'd find
Looking at shit through each others eyes

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands they've delt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help

I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed

I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked
Just stay true to you

31 August, 2009

The honest truth

The more I try to look away and forget

The more I remember

The more I try not to think of you

The more I do

28 August, 2009

Ever the same

Though I told myself "Enough is enough" but I still can't get you off my mind.

I kept thinking how you were when you said you were sick on your blog.

But now I know you're okay =)

A few words from a song keep playing in my head

It's by Mr. Big - To be with you

And it goes like this

Hold on little girl,
Show me what he's done to you,
Stand up little girl,
A broken heart can't be that bad,
When it's through,
It's through,
Fate will twist the both of you,
So come on baby,
Come on over,
Let me be the one to show you.
I'm the one who wants to be with you,
Deep inside I know you feel it too,
Waiting on a line of greens and blues,
Just to be the next to be with you
Why be alone?
When we can be together baby,
You can make my life worthwhile,
I can make you start to smile.

So no matter how much I try not to think of you

I still do

It happens involuntary

How I wish things were different

How I wish you would talk to me

How I wish you were here with me like before


"I'm the one who wants to be with you
And deep inside I know you feel it too"

26 August, 2009

Of songs and wishes

I've been trying very hard to learn how to play Anna Molly by Incubus and it doesn't seem to be working out.

The only part I can get in the intro and pre verse and 3/4 of the verse.

Maybe a little bit of the chorus as well cuz I finally figured out how the melody of the bass goes.

My god it isn't easy.

Especially for someone who does not even know all those "taugeh" notes and chords.

I can only read tabs.

Now I wish I picked up guitar lessons when I was younger.

I just recently started playing the bass guitar for about 3 months now?

Though I've improved a lot but I need a lot of time to play a certain song perfectly.

Because of this.

I finally have a to do list and a Christmas wish list:

1. Bass guitar ( Any would do )

2. New clothes ( Especially jeans )

3. New shoes ( Mine now has holes and is falling apart )

4. New sunglasses by Oakley ( The layers are coming off on the one I have now )

5. Another tattoo ( Apart from the one I'll be getting hopefully on Friday )

6. Socks ( Yes I need socks )

7. New windshield for the Myvi ( The one that's on now has a long crack )

8. New rims ( The one of the front left is a lil dented )

9. Repair electronic window on drivers side ( I wanna wind it down and smoke )

10. An amplifier for my bass guitar ( So I can play at home and make songs with Zac )

11. More money ( =D )