31 July, 2009


Could it be
That this was fated for me?
To lose and to lose
The brightness of that shine?

Why must it be
A choice not made by me?
Fate never have I trusted
Fate myself I shall choose

Decided I have
Giving up I shall not
For the reminiscing name
In my garden of light

Swallowing my guilt
Harnessing my thoughts of the name
Earnest I am to my maiden
Lavender scented hair of the angel
Lit life into my soul she has
Yearning for her touch I am
For she makes this heart light up with her voice

30 July, 2009

Things will go my way

I came to tell you
How it all began
Nothing seems to work out right
I'm broken down again
So hold me now
And say it's not forever
Maybe someday
In time

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

I've pushed to get through
The crowds in twisted souls
Just to find I'm right back here
Doing what I'm told
So take my hands
Don't let me surrender
'Cuz maybe someday
Yeah, in time

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

For all the lies
I've tasted
Just looking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
Well what am I to do
When everything's against me
The answers are all wrong
I'm hoping that I'll find out
It was worth it all along

So hold me now
And say it's not forever
Maybe someday
In time

Things will go my way
Things will go my way
Things will go my way

For all the lies
I've tasted
Just looking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
Well what am I to do
When everything's against me
The answers are all wrong
I'm hoping that I'll find out

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

A poem of a name

On that day,
Sun shining in my eyes,
My heart beating and hands shaking,
For it was only a name

I looked up and saw a figure,
My eyes couldn't believe the sight,
Of something brighter than the sun,
It wasn't just a name

Tell me how would I ever know,
If I could never show,
To the one that holds,
My heart that's finally unfold

I close my eyes,
Flashes of her run through me,
I could never explain,
The warmth I felt inside without pain

To the deepest darkest places I looked,
How I could never find the light,
Of that who possess,
That one in a million name

As I open these wet eyes,
I wish I hadn't,
For the thought of reality,
Could end this already weak heart

I'd rather close these eyes,
Knowing memories of her will be there,
For if I had one wish,
I would rather be,
Hurt with her,
Than hurt without

For she wasn't just a name,
The imperfections of her perfected her,
Though fishes in the sea are many,
These hands would only hold the name,
And the name is Shelly

29 July, 2009

Mandy moore feat Jonathan Foreman - Someday we'll know

90 miles outside chicago
Cant stop driving
I dont know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
Youre still on my mind

Whatever happened to emilia earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the titanic cry

Someday well know
If love can move a mountain
Someday well know
Why the sky is blue
Someday well know
Why I wasnt meant for you

Does anybody know the way to atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
Im speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight

Someday well know
Why samson loved delilah
One day Ill go
Dancing on the moon
Someday youll know
That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why arent you here with me?

Someday well know
Why sampson loved delilah
One day Ill go
Dancing on the moon
Someday youll know
That I was the one for you

Postscript: seeing you in february was great
Cliches eventually all come true
Time heals all wounds
I went to get us our 9th drink
And you ran out the door with another guy
I woke up on the floor with my shoes on
A smile on my face and I didnt even care

I wanted it to be 8

*This post goes out to no one and has no intention of hurting anyone*

I'm sitting here at 4.16 am and I have no intentions on sleeping. I can't close my eyes. I have always wondered what it would be like to be with someone that I can't be with. Now I know. Now I will sit and ponder everyday of my life. Each day when I go to sleep, I look back at my regrets and the things I wish I did and wish I didn't do. This adds another to my list. There are no words but anger and heartache that can explain how I feel now. I'm not sad. Sad is when I don't get that shirt I want so much. I'm not unhappy. Unhappy is when it rains on the days I want to go out. I'm angry, angry at the very fact that my happiness is cut off by the one thing I can't change, my race and religion. It's not that I don't want to accept it, I just want to be accepted. I've gone through too many things and seen things some might never see their whole lives. I'm tired. Emotionally and mentally tired. So tired to the point where I can just laze on my bed the whole morning. Not because I'm lazy but because I'm just mentally tired. No matter how much I try not to think about the issues and problems I have, it still happens. It's heartbreaking because I was happy. Amazingly happy these few weeks. The happiest I've been in a very long time. I felt as if I could do anything. I felt as if God has just shined his light upon me and that I'm ready to take on any challenges he presents to me. But in the end, somehow, those few weeks of happiness was stabbed at the very core of it, gone, in just a matter of hours. No, I don't blame anyone for this happening. With all my heart I mean it when I say that. I blame God. I blame myself. For giving me something I did not ask for. I hate how it controls my life and I can't do anything about it. I would give up everything I own, all the money in the world, every valuable thing in the universe for a shard of happiness now. Just a piece of it. But I know, that one day it would happen. But, I don't want it to be someone else. I wanted someone that really touched my heart these few weeks. People say there are many fishes in the sea and that the biggest fish is the best. Well, give all those fishes to me if you want. But these hands can only hold one.

Giving up on something was never in my options list. But unwillingly sometimes, we have to. For the better good of many and it would be selfish to be thinking of only what you want and not others as well. But I told myself a few months back, that I will never let my happiness be stopped. That I will change to be a better person. To pay attention to every detail. To be myself more. I want to prove that to myself.

I saw a comment on youtube to a movie called A Walk To Remember. She said "Why can't guys be that sweet in real life?" I replied her comment saying "I don't know about other guys, but I sincerely want to be like that if given the chance to. I really want my girlfriend to feel like the most special person in the world. But I have yet to be given the chance like how Jamie's dad gave Landon a chance. If I had that chance I would do the same"

Right now this is how I feel. This post goes out to no one. It is just how I feel. Cuz, writing makes me feel calm and it's my way of getting things of my shoulders, through words. Well, it's 4.49 am now and I'm going to end this post.

With the purest of words

Just like the lyrics say

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

28 July, 2009

A curse

This is my curse

A curse bestowed upon my very soul at birth

A curse I can not lift

A curse that stops me in my race to that bright shining light

A curse that presents judgment towards me without my consent

A curse that shoves me back down everytime I rise

A curse that I try everyday of my life to run from

But though I run with my heart beating to its limit

It's right behind me

A lonely road

Each and every step taken

Along this long and bumpy road

Shall be harsh and inhuman but sometimes warm and encouraging

For many might not know how much the soothing swift of the unseen and the eye of heaven that shines upon this road is crucial

The long and cold tears of the sky

Makes one ponder on its intent

For one should not have a heavy head


Look up

And take every drop of it as a challenge

A challenge to walk on

As these shaken legs go through countless holes and unevenness of this road

It shall be grasped with eyes wide open and faith for light

Give up you shall not

Give in never you will

To the blinding mist of darkness

With prayers and hope

You shall see the true meaning

The true meaning to why this road comes with many obstacles and trials

Being the end of this winding path

For the end shall be blissful and stigmatizing and true

25 July, 2009

The road

Walking down that path of winding roads

Left or right who knows

Death or danger it might bring

Step after step taken looking for the right one

Step after step stalled by its challenges

Step after step worth taking

With your hand molded into mine

For whatever life may bring

Bring it

I'll endure each and every one of it

I'll punch down each and every trial

Because when I look over my shoulder

I see the light in my clouded and blurred heart

The road of life

With you

23 July, 2009

A story

Have you heard of a story?

Of a melody and a lyric?

What beautiful music they make

Every sentence made for each other

Every tune providing depth and emotion for one another

Intertwined in perfect harmony they were

Piercing each and every soul that hears them

Touching them with the melodious of melody and lyrical poetry

Only one with true love could understand the meaning of both put together

Happiness they gave and happiness they obtained

For without one another they would be just like every other

Only to be stopped and pulled apart from each other by the wrath of nature

That they call

Their maker

This is their story

Of the music created

By a melody and a lyric

That were intertwined in fate for each other

For they could create miracles

All in perfect harmony and pure destiny

But all in vain

For they were controlled

By one being that could not accept their existence together

22 July, 2009

A feeling

Ever felt so useless and lifeless before?

That feeling deep inside that makes you feel so empty

Like nothing can satisfy you

Ever wonder why does it happen?

Sadness? Stress? Regret? Depression?

I don't know as well


That's how I feel now

Such a weird feeling that I just can't put my finger on

I hate it yet I ponder at it

Wondering and wondering

Why? How?

I wonder

Finals results

Social Psychology - C+

Media Appreciation - B

Islamic Studies and English for College Studies - B+

Principles of Economics - B-

All added up I got a 2.92 GPA


I got a 3.18 CGPA

Not bad right?

Well I'm just happy I didn't fail anything but a lil sad I didn't get an A for ECS and MA



Now it's time to get ready for my degree



Okay I'm getting really nervous and scared

It's fucking results day

Who wouldn't be

20 July, 2009

What I feel

I feel like writing a poem!

17 July, 2009

More pictures from Redang!

Ok I stole this pictures from JQ...But...Who cares???


This is our first day at the beach. From left to right is Izz, Serene, Belle, Syaz, Aaron, Amirul and me

One of our first attempts to take a picture jumping but failed

This one has very nice poses!

This was our first night at the beach and it was super cool

Aaron and I

Our second day. This was almost evening and it started to rain.

I seem to like this picture a lot

Our second day where we went to the other side of the beach to catch huge waves!

Our third day there and we were playing beach volleyball

Syaz and Belle were playing congkak and Syaz lost!

Aaron, Amirul, me and Izz chilling by the beach

The last night there! Amirul and I. I had terrible sun burns man!

On the boat on our way to the mainland. From left to right - Belle, Serene, Amirul and Aaron

Me, Izz and Syaz

Last but not least a picture of JQ and I

Back from Pulau Redang!

Ok I'm finally back from Redang. It was awesome. The sand was so fine and the water was so clear. 4 meals a day made me fat and the blazing hot sun gave me a sunburn but who cares. Along with 9 other friends, we made this trip the best one yet.

Here are some pictures!
We just left for the island on a boat.

This is Syaz and Belle

This is Aaron the ah boy and Amirul with a weird looking face (strawberry head)

This is me on the boat! Or my friends call me uncle Imran (Inside joke)

This is our room and my room mates Aaron and Syaz but Belle is missing somewhere.

The awesome beach and you can see the water is actually light blue in colour which makes it really really clear with some boats around.

We buried Aaron in the sand and put the snorkeling tube as his dick.

It rained for a bit on the second day. The scenery was amazing. The clouds look super fake.

Amirul is trying to say that he has conquered the world or something like that.

I was posing man. Saw that or not. The sky really makes this picture look like its edited.

This is JQ aka Snow White having her breakfast

That's all for now! I'll get more pictures from the rest and post it up soon. I hope! HAHAHA

Let's go Redang again man!

This time we stay at Laguna =D

12 July, 2009

See you!

Everyone and anyone that is reading this blog.

It's currently 10.40 am

I'll be leaving for Redang tonight at I have no idea what time is the bus

I'll be back in 4 days which is Thursday night

Gonna have fun!

So I'll see you guys when I get back

Take care and have a happy holiday

"As we stood there looking down that long and windy road. I'll whisper to you "Everything will be fine, as long as we have each other. I'll be there for you through it all" So hold my hand and lets take that long walk full of happiness and heartache. But I promise you. I'll always be there for you. We'll survive, trust me. With our love. So don't you worry. We'll make it"

OBC - Hold on

Miss Thaera

As requested by JQ I am gonna blog about Miss Thaera, our Media Appreciation lecturer.

Well Miss Thaera. What can I say about her? HMMM. She is the only lecturer that puts up with Aaron's flirting and she is the only lecturer that Aaron flirts with. HAHAHA. Sorry Aaron. Got you in trouble there. Oh and I have a picture of her in my phone! How cool is that man. To be honest, Miss Thaera is the only lecturer that is to me, above average in terms of looks. SO! That then makes things more interesting in class. Who wouldn't want a pretty lecturer to teach us? And the jokes she makes are really really funny. With her gynko and all. Quick question Miss Thaera if you are reading this. Do you have a daughter? Can introduce to either Aaron or Amirul. Maybe Izzuddin also. HAHAHAHA! I am so dead. Miss Thaera's class is a class I really look forward to at every start of the week. Not trying to suck up now but I'm being honest, it really is. I realize that she takes the time to check up on us and asks us if we need help in our assignments especially the documentary assignment. I shall speak for Aaron now. Aaron wishes Miss Thaera will be his lecturer in all his subjects in UNISA. HA HA HA HA! Die you Aaron DIE! =D Last but not least. Her presence will sincerely be missed. The way she teaches us is truly of a different style and she definitely pays extra attention when needed and is always there for guidance. Miss Thaera, there is nothing to be nervous about. You're an amazing lecturer and definitely on my top 3 list of most favourite lecturers of all time. So, nothing to be afraid of. I truly believe that Miss Thaera will touch each and every MALE students heart with her good looks and everyone else with her unique style of teaching. Have a great day =D

Yours truly,
Sypher Imran / Bulu

11 July, 2009

My race, my religion

First of all I would like to say sorry and that this post is not intended for anybody or anyone

I'm a malay and I fucking hate to be one. To those people who know me well I'm sure you know that I'm not a malay at all. I fucking eat pork and I drink beer. Hell. I never even pray. Fasting? I have never done it in my whole life. Religion? Muslim. Fuck this religion. I hate being called a malay. Because of some punk ass malay mother fuckers, I am viewed by others who do not know me as the same as all those shit fucks. I was born and raised as someone neutral. Neither malay or chinese or even dutch. I fucking learned how to speak english and hokkien first than malay as my grandmother always talked hokkien with me. I hated going to all those visitings to my malay side. They have a fucking mentality that just because they are given special priviledges as a bumiputera they are better than everyone else? FUCK that shit. In my fucking class in college itself there are only 6 malays including me and the rest are ALL chinese. WTF do you have to say about that? Malays are better? BULLSHIT. It is up to you who you want to be. Nobody can fucking help you unless you help your own sorry ass. Malays are fucking lazy to realize that and they don't even bother to do anything else (Not my friends but in general) As I said, just because society sees all those fucking malays walking around on the street doing shit doesn't mean I am the same way and up until now I have never been given the chance to prove myself of that and its fucking frustrating. I have only been given a chance by a handful of people. My lecturers, Wai Yik's family and some friends. FUCKING don't say you will not want to meet me or know me just because of my name and the colour of my shit skin. To be honest I am more chinese than a malay. HELL i'm not even malay at all. Let's talk in terms of relationships. Until now, I have not been given a chance to prove my point and show that I am not a malay at all. AT ALL. I always have to hide and run away because of me being a malay. WAT THE FUCK is that all about. I'm sick and tired of running away. Fucking come here and sit down with and get to know me better then you'll find out who I really am. It is really saddening and frustrating to know that you will never get the chance to prove your worth and that there is nothing you can do about this race and religion shit. I really look up to Zac as he was given the chance to prove himself and now he is where he is with Esther. I would jump for joy and fucking fuck stray dogs if I was given this one chance to prove to people, the society and the world that I am NOT a fucking malay that lingers around and does nothing with his life. I go to college and I study. I got a 3.67 cgpa. FINE i smoke and I have a tattoo. Does that make me a bad person? Does it? My tattoo is a roman number 5. To state that my birthday, is on the 5th. I smoke because its a habit I developed since I was 14. So does these make me who I am? To everyone that is reading this right now. Please never judge anyone by the colour of his skin, name on his IC, religion or even race. As a person who is constantly judged like this I can fucking tell you it is fucking saddening and it hurts because you can't do shit about it. I can't change the fact that I am a malay and a Muslim. But I am not like that. I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. This doesn't only go out for malays but for all races as well. DO NOT judge someone like that even before knowing the person. You might never know, that person might do you some good some day.

"You are who you are because you choose to be that way"

10 July, 2009

Bad and good day

I am finally home at 1.05 a.m

So let me tell you what happen

After exams

Went back home and waited for Zac to get ready and leave for our casting that Clare asked us to go to together with Wai Yik and Esther

Got there around 6 something and started the casting

Finished around 7 and went for dinner

We went to Mayang Ming Tien

I had cheese baked pork rice (AWESOME)

Talked and had a lot of laughs about each other

We left the place at around 10 to fetch Esther home and get back to our own homes

Just before the NKVE toll

Zac's car started pulling a lot to the left

Then we heard a flapping sound so we went down to check if anything went wrong

Guess what



It was the front left tire that got punctured and luckily his rims weren't dented or chipped off

Started calling and flagging down other cars that was passing by to help us


Being Malaysians

No one wanted to

Until a Toyota Avanza decided to be nice and help us

*Thank god*

Ended up spending an hour just trying to flag down a car and changing the tire

In the end is was about 11.10 pm

We had to drive at about 30-50 km/h MAX!

Cuz the spare tire could only take about 80 km/h but we didn't want to take the risk so that explains the slow speed

And originally Zac's car rims are 16 inches and with much bigger tires

But the spare tire was about 13-14 inches only with some Kancil tires


His car was only 3 and a half fingers away from touching the ground and his car was one sided so Wai Yik and I had to sit in the center and the right side of the car to balance the weight

Fetched Esther home and it was about 12.15 am

Then left for a long slow drive home

Sent Wai Yik back home at 12.45 am

Then remembered mum wanted mee goreng so had to drop by a nearby mamak to buy it

Got the food and left for home

It was 12.55 am

Showered and now I'm blogging

It's already 1.17 am

But everything seemed to be worth it

Only Zac and Wai Yik knows why


09 July, 2009


This is a song by a band that played Anna Molly, Pardon me, I miss you and Drive.

Many people might not know it but incubus is actually a demon that impersonate husbands and have sex with their wives then makes them pregnant with a devil child. So I've read.
That's why on one of their very first albums, it is a picture of sperms swimming.
This song is called

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
Something I've not seen.
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear?
Something I've not seen.
Something infinitely interesting

There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something someone contrives
Your movements echo that I've seen the real thing.

Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah
Could you show me dear?
Something I've not seen.
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear?
Something I've not seen.
Something infinitely interesting

07 July, 2009

Like a dance

A pair

Dancers dance to dance

Just like a dance it is

When? How? Where? What?

Questions of such constantly flow each minds

"Should I step first?"

"Should I do this?"

"How would my partner feel if I do this?"

"Am I doing too much?"

Questions left unanswered by the thoughts overflowing

Questions only answered by the hearts pure

Questions need not be thought doing

Answers to those come from within

Follow your heart

For it creates the melodious of melodies

Songs sung by only two

That is by the pair

Dancing to the rhythm of the tune

That can only be heard of by two


Like the eye of heaven she is
Whispering through my soul like a light warm breeze
Though actions and actions alone are insufficient
But words and words alone could not portray
How prayers to thy God never ever shown
I'd pause the moment as she gazed into the stars
Wishing that bright light gazed upon should be me
Only a hands length could I extend
This heart would never pretend
Wants and needs both together
For thee extended arm of thy lover

06 July, 2009

A quote

"He who makes a beast out of himself, Gets rid of the pain of being a man"

Dr Johnson

I found this quote from a very special band

Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country


Bands are usually like focused on the lead singer too much

But not this band

Each and every one of them has amazing talents

The lead and rhythm guitar with their twin guitars solo

The bassist with his crazy chords

The drummer is one of the best drummers I've ever seen

The lead singer has a one in a million voice


Everyone says that they can play just as good as Avenged Sevenfold


I do not disagree with that


In order to come up with such songs and such tunes

Now that takes an amazing band with multi talented band members to do

05 July, 2009


Finals in 3 days and I haven't even started studying.

Social Psychology, Economy, Media Appreciation, Islamic Studies and English to study.

All in 3 days.

Man this is gonna be hard.


I'll be changing my number to Maxis soon.

Too many of my friends and family are using Maxis and I'm using Digi.

Damn man.

Its bursting a hole in my pocket right through my underwear.

Goodnight world.

Or should I say,

Good morning?

02 July, 2009


I've always wanted to write


Love stories


I want to write songs like

John McLaughlin - So Close

Something Corporate - Konstantine

Incubus - I miss you

Songs that will touch the hearts of many people that listen to it

A story that everyone can relate to

A poem that people will use for their loved ones

I never thought myself as a person that wanted to do these kind of things

But I guess that's what I really want to do

To do something that will touch the hearts of many

Will I ever get the chance to?

I may never know


There are soo many things in my mind now.



How lazy I am to do stuff


Finals is next week.

Then it's Redang

How I wish it would come by faster.

Our Lives

Is there love, tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Of a better life
In this world
Divided by fear
We've got to believe that
There's a reason we're here
Yeah, there's a reason we're here...

Oh, yeah...

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

See the truth, all around
Ohh, our faith can be broken
Yea, our hands can be bound
Ohh, but open our hearts
And fill up the emptiness
With nothing to stop us
Is it not worth the risk?
Yeah, is it not worth the risk?...

No, yeah...

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

And even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

We can't go on
Thinking it's wrong to speak our minds
I've got to let out what's inside...

Is there love, tonight
When everyone's dreaming
Well can we get it right?
Yeah, well can we get it right?...

Cause these are the days worth living
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

And even if hope was shattered
I know it wouldn't matter
Cause these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives...

Oh, yeah, let's make the best out of our lives...

Oh, yeah, let's make the best out of our lives...

01 July, 2009



Zac, Esther, Wai Yik and I actually went for a karaoke session together.

After years of knowing each other.

This was the first time I went with them.

Amazing I know.

It was all so much fun.

But because of the walk home with Wai Yik from Sri KL,

I think I hurt my back (What to do. Getting old what)

And my legs.

The're both killing me man.


It was all worth it