26 September, 2009

Bass Guitar


I need some help looking for a good secondhand bass guitar.


Ibanez would be awesome but if it's Yamaha then what can I do right?

I even went looking at Cash Converters.

That's how desperate I am to have one.

I actually found two which was Ibanez - RM599 and Yamaha - RM 499.

Which was good.

But how much can you trust Cash Converters?

Not much.

And there is no bass amp to test it even if I wanted to buy it.

So please help me.


16 September, 2009

My band

To my band mates.

Aaron, Amirul, Zac, Wai Yik, Clare.

Let's all sit down one day and write another song like Broken December.

12 September, 2009

Inner thoughts

Friday - At 9 something in the morning I woke up and thought "I feel good today. I don't feel sad. Fuck all my problems"

Suddenly, towards the evening of the day, my heart dropped. All of the sudden. Out of nowhere. I wanted to tell someone so badly how I felt at that point of time. I just needed somebody.

Aaron, Amirul and Wai Yik came and we went for dinner and a yam cha session. In the car Wai Yik asked me if I was okay and I said I was.

But honestly, I was tearing at the backseat of Aaron's car looking outside the window.

I thought about how unlucky I was and how fucked up life was. To love someone you could never have. To find someone so special and one of a kind only to be so close to touching her hand then suddenly right before I'm able to touch her hand, she disappears into thin air.

I had an accident on Thursday. I was driving my dad's car with him in the passenger seat. I admit I am traumatized by it. But when I started crying in Aaron's car. I didn't give two fucks if I died at the spot. I didn't at all.

But what can I do about this situation?

A third party has the say in this.

Seriously, right now I just want to be happy. It's all I want now. Nothing else matters.

But my happiness was robed of me when this started.

My friends, I hope you understand that I am not saying that you guys do not make me happy. You do. With all my heart, you guys are the best group of friends ever. But all of us have that something that makes us truly happy. Some may be music, dancing, working, cooking. It can be anything. Mine is just Shelly.

I love you guys.

Yours sincerely,

11 September, 2009

My adventure

All these experiences I've had. All the problems I went through trying to find the right girl for me. Looking into myself figuring out what was wrong with myself and trying to make myself a better person. All the arguments settled and unsettled. This long journey of the pursuit of love I have gone through for 7 years now. All I know is this, love is never static. Love changes. There is no right answer to explain what love is. Love is like your thumb print. Unique.

Now I look back and think of all the relationships I've gone through. It makes me wanna write a book about my experiences so much. But I don't know where to start. But I know how to end it.

My last story in the book will be about Shelly. How much of a punch in the face it was to me when I realized how useless I felt. So useless, I couldn't do shit about my race and religion. I thought "This is a girl I would love to love. I know I'll be really happy with her and I know I'll be able to make her the happiest girl ever" "I found her", I thought. I did find her, the girl that came so close to perfect. But, I lost her.

"Move on Imran"
"There are many fishes in the sea"
"You'll be okay"
"She's just a girl"
"You can't help it"
"You can't do anything about it"
"Go out and have some fun"
"Let it go dude"

So many different words of comfort given to me. All of them are true and are what I'm supposed to do. I've tried. Honestly, I have. But wait till you find that girl that you've always wanted. And lose her. To an unknown force that pushes you down without your consent. Wait till it happens to you. Then when I say those words to you, see if it makes a difference to you or not. If it does, which is unlikely, then good for you. If it doesn't, then you know how shitty the path of love is.

I feel like my heart has closed its doors. I honestly feel it. The feeling of having no intention, mood or wanting to get to know any other girl. I want to open that door but my conscience tells me otherwise. It's an invisible wall of fear restricting me from opening that door. No matter how much I want to, I can't. Though I force myself to try, it all ends in vain. At the end of the day, that wall just won't break down. I'm so scared that I won't be able to truly open that door.

As I said, that book will contain memories, heartaches and advice regarding relationships. I can say I've been through almost every kind of relationship. I'm not being cocky, but really, I've been in almost every kind. Almost.

I used to think love overcomes everything. Now I'm skeptical of those words. Yes, it is the most powerful and it does overcome anything, but, there are third party forces that sometimes, overpower us.

Honestly, if I could choose anything in life right now. If I had one wish to have anything I've ever wanted. My wish will be happiness. That's all I want. And I found it in Shelly.

Happiness creates memories and memories lasts a lifetime. Money however, runs dry in time. All material wants deteriorates in time. Cars rust and get old, money can run out, clothes can be torn. Your body dies out. But happiness, with it comes love and memories. Those I can bring to my grave. Happy memories can never fade and be forgotten. Love can never rust, torn or die out unless love has been chosen to be ended. Your body dies, but your soul lives on.

I'll end my book with a few words.

"I'll continue to look for it. The ever elusive wonder, love"

Yours truly,

08 September, 2009

The King

I found this song that...Relates so much to what I'm going through right now.

Every line of the song reflects what I wanna say and how I feel these days.

Every line of it.

I dedicate to you Shelly =)

You're the one I want.

Not any other.

Can you still remember
How it seemed that we could live forever in a lovers dream?
And falling was the best part but now you know the things you cling to
Your heart can start to grow.

You, you're walking away.
I've been there now I know what to say... I'm the king of yesterday.

A silly little love song for myself.
It's all I ever do you know I shine the shell.
A pretty little picture, the face of you.
You were my setting sun and now you're every view.

You, you're walking away
I've been there now I know what to say...
I'm the king of yesterday.

Why don't, why don't, why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay? why don't you stay? why don't you stay?

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You are the one that I want.

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You were the one that I wanted.

And someday I'll be over on my own.
Believing all the legends of the loves I've known

And seeing you in summer the way we were when you were seventeen
You know I much preferred you walking away.

I've been here, now I know what to say
I'm the king of yesterday.

Why don't, why don't, why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay? why don't you stay with me? stay.

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You are the one that I want.

Take a little time, throw it on the line.
Let me believe that you believe in me.
Baby turn around, look at what I found.
You were the one that I wanted.

You were the one that I wanted.

King of yesterday.
King of yesterday.

I still do

05 September, 2009

It's 3 am and I must be lonely

All these problems I face makes me want to have more tattoos.

Especially on my arms.

Both in ambigrams.

One will say "Life"

The other will say "Death"

On the left side of my chest I'll tattoo 4 words into wings with a snake around it.

On my back I'll tattoo a scythe.

Whatever I do.

I still can't my mind off of you.

I really miss you.

03 September, 2009

Let's see how far this goes

Zac said something very true last night and it made my think a lot about it. He said that people who are mixed race like Zac and I, doesn't matter what race but as long as you have more than one blood you will face problems. For Zac and I, throughout school life and sometimes social life, you won't know where you fit in!

These are the things Zac said

"When you lepak with the malays they will call you chinese. When you lepak with the chinese they will call you malay. When you lepak with the indians they will whack you cuz you're both and indians always fight with malays and chinese"

Fucked up man.

So I hear about this "One Malaysia" thing. Okay. Let's see what Najib can actually do about this racial thing.

So where in the world do people like Zac and I fit in? All this confusion. I know this will end for me when I am finally able to be accepted by my partners parents and more importantly her. Then ALL this confusion will end for me

Look at your neighbour, the car next to you when you're driving, the person in front and behind you when you're lining up for something.

Give it a thought.

Without them, you won't be where you are now. Just think about it. You can't survive in this world with one race. If so, God would have created just one fucking race. Why make so many?

I'll tell you why.

For us to communicate with each other and understand each other better. Through that, we can find ourselves as well.

Give it some thought.

02 September, 2009


Christmas come now man


I need a bass guitar

And I need it badly

Very badly

01 September, 2009

In my shoes

In my shoes
Just to see
What it's like to be me
I'll be you
Let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain
You feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we'd find
Looking at shit through each others eyes

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands they've delt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help

I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed

I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked
Just stay true to you