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11 September, 2009

My adventure

All these experiences I've had. All the problems I went through trying to find the right girl for me. Looking into myself figuring out what was wrong with myself and trying to make myself a better person. All the arguments settled and unsettled. This long journey of the pursuit of love I have gone through for 7 years now. All I know is this, love is never static. Love changes. There is no right answer to explain what love is. Love is like your thumb print. Unique.

Now I look back and think of all the relationships I've gone through. It makes me wanna write a book about my experiences so much. But I don't know where to start. But I know how to end it.

My last story in the book will be about Shelly. How much of a punch in the face it was to me when I realized how useless I felt. So useless, I couldn't do shit about my race and religion. I thought "This is a girl I would love to love. I know I'll be really happy with her and I know I'll be able to make her the happiest girl ever" "I found her", I thought. I did find her, the girl that came so close to perfect. But, I lost her.

"Move on Imran"
"There are many fishes in the sea"
"You'll be okay"
"She's just a girl"
"You can't help it"
"You can't do anything about it"
"Go out and have some fun"
"Let it go dude"

So many different words of comfort given to me. All of them are true and are what I'm supposed to do. I've tried. Honestly, I have. But wait till you find that girl that you've always wanted. And lose her. To an unknown force that pushes you down without your consent. Wait till it happens to you. Then when I say those words to you, see if it makes a difference to you or not. If it does, which is unlikely, then good for you. If it doesn't, then you know how shitty the path of love is.

I feel like my heart has closed its doors. I honestly feel it. The feeling of having no intention, mood or wanting to get to know any other girl. I want to open that door but my conscience tells me otherwise. It's an invisible wall of fear restricting me from opening that door. No matter how much I want to, I can't. Though I force myself to try, it all ends in vain. At the end of the day, that wall just won't break down. I'm so scared that I won't be able to truly open that door.

As I said, that book will contain memories, heartaches and advice regarding relationships. I can say I've been through almost every kind of relationship. I'm not being cocky, but really, I've been in almost every kind. Almost.

I used to think love overcomes everything. Now I'm skeptical of those words. Yes, it is the most powerful and it does overcome anything, but, there are third party forces that sometimes, overpower us.

Honestly, if I could choose anything in life right now. If I had one wish to have anything I've ever wanted. My wish will be happiness. That's all I want. And I found it in Shelly.


Happiness creates memories and memories lasts a lifetime. Money however, runs dry in time. All material wants deteriorates in time. Cars rust and get old, money can run out, clothes can be torn. Your body dies out. But happiness, with it comes love and memories. Those I can bring to my grave. Happy memories can never fade and be forgotten. Love can never rust, torn or die out unless love has been chosen to be ended. Your body dies, but your soul lives on.

I'll end my book with a few words.

"I'll continue to look for it. The ever elusive wonder, love"

Yours truly,
Sypher

4 comments:

NanaKing.BananaBoatMan said...

good post man. It seriusly sucks that this happened because of religion and stuff. For all this time, I can truly say, you deserve happiness man, and it seriusly, seriusly sux that u cant get what u deserve over race and religion. I dun blame religion la, but they shud know tat ur different man...Friggin stereotype. Anyways, at least u got us :D

Sypher said...

Thx man =D

Alter Ego said...

Well what can I say.. Your post was awesomely good. There are many people who dissed us for religion & race not only that our outlook too. Sometime third party are the ones that ruins beautiful relationships but all these are tests for us. In return we learn to be a more better person.

You don't have to close your heart neither do you need to go searching for the right girl. Just wait & see, make more friends & who knows that the person you have been looking for was always there beside you, you wouldn't know. =)

It's good that you're seeing the positive side of things. Don't worry you'll move on faster. Just don't ponder on the past so much but on the future. You'll live a happy life. =))

Oh yes.. I've changed my link to integraterealism.blogspot.com..

Sypher said...

Yeah hopefully things turn out for the better cuz honestly I'm breaking down. Without myself knowing it. It's so sad to see myself the way I am now. But as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.