12 September, 2009

Inner thoughts

Friday - At 9 something in the morning I woke up and thought "I feel good today. I don't feel sad. Fuck all my problems"

Suddenly, towards the evening of the day, my heart dropped. All of the sudden. Out of nowhere. I wanted to tell someone so badly how I felt at that point of time. I just needed somebody.

Aaron, Amirul and Wai Yik came and we went for dinner and a yam cha session. In the car Wai Yik asked me if I was okay and I said I was.

But honestly, I was tearing at the backseat of Aaron's car looking outside the window.

I thought about how unlucky I was and how fucked up life was. To love someone you could never have. To find someone so special and one of a kind only to be so close to touching her hand then suddenly right before I'm able to touch her hand, she disappears into thin air.

I had an accident on Thursday. I was driving my dad's car with him in the passenger seat. I admit I am traumatized by it. But when I started crying in Aaron's car. I didn't give two fucks if I died at the spot. I didn't at all.

But what can I do about this situation?

A third party has the say in this.

Seriously, right now I just want to be happy. It's all I want now. Nothing else matters.

But my happiness was robed of me when this started.

My friends, I hope you understand that I am not saying that you guys do not make me happy. You do. With all my heart, you guys are the best group of friends ever. But all of us have that something that makes us truly happy. Some may be music, dancing, working, cooking. It can be anything. Mine is just Shelly.

I love you guys.

Yours sincerely,