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Could it be
That this was fated for me?
To lose and to lose
The brightness of that shine?

Why must it be
A choice not made by me?
Fate never have I trusted
Fate myself I shall choose

Decided I have
Giving up I shall not
For the reminiscing name
In my garden of light

Swallowing my guilt
Harnessing my thoughts of the name
Earnest I am to my maiden
Lavender scented hair of the angel
Lit life into my soul she has
Yearning for her touch I am
For she makes this heart light up with her voice

Things will go my way

I came to tell you
How it all began
Nothing seems to work out right
I'm broken down again
So hold me now
And say it's not forever
Maybe someday
In time

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

I've pushed to get through
The crowds in twisted souls
Just to find I'm right back here
Doing what I'm told
So take my hands
Don't let me surrender
'Cuz maybe someday
Yeah, in time

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

For all the lies
I've tasted
Just looking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
Well what am I to do
When everything's against me
The answers are all wrong
I'm hoping that I'll find out
It was worth it all along

So hold me now
And say it's not forever
Maybe someday
In time

Things will go my way
Things will go my way
Things will go my way

For all the lies
I've tasted
Just looking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
Well what am I to do
When everything's against me
The answers are all wrong
I'm hoping that I'll find out

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

A poem of a name

On that day,
Sun shining in my eyes,
My heart beating and hands shaking,
For it was only a name

I looked up and saw a figure,
My eyes couldn't believe the sight,
Of something brighter than the sun,
It wasn't just a name

Tell me how would I ever know,
If I could never show,
To the one that holds,
My heart that's finally unfold

I close my eyes,
Flashes of her run through me,
I could never explain,
The warmth I felt inside without pain

To the deepest darkest places I looked,
How I could never find the light,
Of that who possess,
That one in a million name

As I open these wet eyes,
I wish I hadn't,
For the thought of reality,
Could end this already weak heart

I'd rather close these eyes,
Knowing memories of her will be there,
For if I had one wish,
I would rather be,
Hurt with her,
Than hurt without

For she wasn't just a name,
The imperfections of her perfected her,
Though fishes in the sea are many,
These hands would only hold the name,
And the name is Shelly

Mandy moore feat Jonathan Foreman - Someday we'll know

90 miles outside chicago
Cant stop driving
I dont know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
Youre still on my mind

Whatever happened to emilia earhart
Who holds the stars up in the sky
Is true love once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the titanic cry

Chorus:
Someday well know
If love can move a mountain
Someday well know
Why the sky is blue
Someday well know
Why I wasnt meant for you

Does anybody know the way to atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
Im speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time tonight

(chorus)
Someday well know
Why samson loved delilah
One day Ill go
Dancing on the moon
Someday youll know
That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why arent you here with me?

(chorus)
Someday well know
Why sampson loved delilah
One day Ill go
Dancing on the moon
Someday youll know
That I was the one for you

Postscript: seeing you in february was great
Cliches eventually all come true
Time heals all wounds
I went to get us our 9th drink
And you ran out the door with another guy
I woke up on the floor with my shoes on
A smile on my face and I didnt even care

I wanted it to be 8

*This post goes out to no one and has no intention of hurting anyone*

I'm sitting here at 4.16 am and I have no intentions on sleeping. I can't close my eyes. I have always wondered what it would be like to be with someone that I can't be with. Now I know. Now I will sit and ponder everyday of my life. Each day when I go to sleep, I look back at my regrets and the things I wish I did and wish I didn't do. This adds another to my list. There are no words but anger and heartache that can explain how I feel now. I'm not sad. Sad is when I don't get that shirt I want so much. I'm not unhappy. Unhappy is when it rains on the days I want to go out. I'm angry, angry at the very fact that my happiness is cut off by the one thing I can't change, my race and religion. It's not that I don't want to accept it, I just want to be accepted. I've gone through too many things and seen things some might never see their whole lives. I'm tired. Emotionally and mentally tired. So tired to the point where I can just laze on my bed the whole morning. Not because I'm lazy but because I'm just mentally tired. No matter how much I try not to think about the issues and problems I have, it still happens. It's heartbreaking because I was happy. Amazingly happy these few weeks. The happiest I've been in a very long time. I felt as if I could do anything. I felt as if God has just shined his light upon me and that I'm ready to take on any challenges he presents to me. But in the end, somehow, those few weeks of happiness was stabbed at the very core of it, gone, in just a matter of hours. No, I don't blame anyone for this happening. With all my heart I mean it when I say that. I blame God. I blame myself. For giving me something I did not ask for. I hate how it controls my life and I can't do anything about it. I would give up everything I own, all the money in the world, every valuable thing in the universe for a shard of happiness now. Just a piece of it. But I know, that one day it would happen. But, I don't want it to be someone else. I wanted someone that really touched my heart these few weeks. People say there are many fishes in the sea and that the biggest fish is the best. Well, give all those fishes to me if you want. But these hands can only hold one.

Giving up on something was never in my options list. But unwillingly sometimes, we have to. For the better good of many and it would be selfish to be thinking of only what you want and not others as well. But I told myself a few months back, that I will never let my happiness be stopped. That I will change to be a better person. To pay attention to every detail. To be myself more. I want to prove that to myself.

I saw a comment on youtube to a movie called A Walk To Remember. She said "Why can't guys be that sweet in real life?" I replied her comment saying "I don't know about other guys, but I sincerely want to be like that if given the chance to. I really want my girlfriend to feel like the most special person in the world. But I have yet to be given the chance like how Jamie's dad gave Landon a chance. If I had that chance I would do the same"

Right now this is how I feel. This post goes out to no one. It is just how I feel. Cuz, writing makes me feel calm and it's my way of getting things of my shoulders, through words. Well, it's 4.49 am now and I'm going to end this post.

With the purest of words
Sypher

Just like the lyrics say

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close

And still so far

A curse

This is my curse

A curse bestowed upon my very soul at birth

A curse I can not lift

A curse that stops me in my race to that bright shining light

A curse that presents judgment towards me without my consent

A curse that shoves me back down everytime I rise

A curse that I try everyday of my life to run from

But though I run with my heart beating to its limit

It's right behind me